“Please think I’m cool.”

adorable blur breed close up
Photo by Lum3n on Pexels.com

Confession: That was the thought running like a background track in my head yesterday, as I took part in a group Zoom call with two authors/podcasters whose work I admire.

I’ve tried in various ways to get into their “club” in some way over the years (with some minor level of success), but this was the first time I’ve actually interacted with them face to (screen-mediated) face. I was able to get a few words in, but otherwise, I found myself just grinning foolishly and trying unsuccessfully not to embarrass myself.

I’m a grown man with a wife and kids. I’ve got my own stuff going on, such as it is. I should be fully out of middle-school-mode. But there are still people who I can’t help but see on another plane of coolness. And despite my very best efforts, I slip right into notice me, senpai mode. I hate it.

The call went fine. When put on the spot to perform a bit of dramatic reading (don’t ask, it’s a long story), I bungled some of my dialogue and felt like a goober. Then I tried too hard to be funny at the very end of the call, so that when it finally ended, I spent the next hour-plus kicking myself for being such an irredeemable dork.

This isn’t the first time I’ve done this. There’s another podcaster whose work I enjoyed for years, and when I was finally able to talk to him during a live call-in show, I got tongue-tied and said something stupid. For the months/years that followed, while I was active in the live chats during various broadcasts, I was never really recognized as a “regular” by the host or the chat group. Eventually, I dipped out and stopped listening/engaging with that show at all, not out of malice but really just disappointment that I couldn’t break into the circle.

What’s the point of all this? Shoot, I don’t know. I’m just talking here, gang.

Maybe what I’m getting at is this: it’s really easy to chase attention, recognition, and a sense of belonging among those we think are cool, talented, and more “together.” But maybe the thing we should be focusing on most is just doing our own thing and being content with that.

But, then again, you know how it is: about to hit 40, looking at the successes and accomplishments of your peers, comparing yourself to the people around you, second-guessing your life choices. Typical Wednesday.

That’s all I got. See ya later, space cowboy…

Five(ish)-minute Update (11/11/2019)

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Setting the timer…ready…GO.

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So I wasn’t planning on November being a “No-Post November” but it’s sure starting out that way! So what’s the story, morning-glory?

Well, it comes down to this: margin.

I don’t have much margin in my life right now. Like so many of you, I have lots of demands, and to be honest, I’m struggling to meet all those demands. And no, I’m not going to cue up the sad violins and run through the litany of what’s on my plate, because that doesn’t help you, and it doesn’t help me.

So instead, I want to talk about stress.

This past weekend, a loved one was briefly hospitalized because he pushed himself so hard that his nervous system decided a hard reboot was in order. This person, in prime physical health in his middle age, gave himself a seizure, due in part to a combination of unaddressed stress, inconsistent diet, dehydration, and high levels of caffeine usage. No matter how otherwise healthy he was, he still hit his limit.

…And I just hit mine, so to speak–there goes my timer. So, I’ll summarize this way:

What this experience reminded me of is that I am not omnipotent. I can’t burn the candle at both ends for long, before I get scorched and the light goes out, as it were.

We human beings are designed to be limited, because this reminds us that we have a Creator God who is not.

So what does that mean for you, practically? It means get some sleep. Be smart about how you fuel yourself. Accept that you can’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Maybe try decaf once in a while.

Come face to face with the fact that you can’t do it all, or run the risk of ending up face-down on your bedroom carpet.

A stark reminder, but a necessary one.

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More posts this week, if possible. Maybe sign up for notifications in the sidebar to the right (or below, if you’re reading on mobile)? Just in case I don’t get back here soon.

–d.

[*merp*]

green wooden chair on white surface
Photo by Paula Schmidt on Pexels.com

Gonna take a zero on this week, readers.

Work, church, life, the usual reasons. You know how it goes.

As recompense, next week, I will aim to deliver 2 #SmundaySchool posts and at least 1 #52Stories post, to make up for my absence and keep those projects on-track.

Until next time, be excellent to each other, and Go Astros!

Placing the Big Rocks.

20190311_084109My wife made this picture for me when we were dating. (One of her many gorgeous papercraft creations.) It’s based on the analogy of the rocks, gravel, and jar. In short: a teacher challenged his students to put several sizes of rocks, along with sand and water, in a jar, but they could only do it by putting the big rocks in first. The lesson is this: if we don’t prioritize the things that matter most, they will get crowded out by the lesser things that take up all the space.

Early on in our relationship, H. knew that one of my greatest challenges in our marriage would be trying to manage the big rocks, so she made me this as a reminder.

Lately, I’ve been focused on three big rocks in particular.

My Household: Thing have been going well at home. My wife and I will be married 5 years this summer, and married life is a blessing. We’re looking forward to a family beach vacation in a few months and making plans for the near future. The kiddo is now a year and a half old, and just brilliant; her mind is a sponge, and she’s got a goofy and playful personality.

But the biggest news on the family front is this:

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Baby girl #2 is set to arrive this summer, and we couldn’t be more excited. We have been duly warned that going from 1 to 2 kids is a game-changer, but nevertheless we’re eager to meet this little sweetheart.

My Church: Being an elder at my church is already rewarding and stressful. There are new and more challenging questions I’m asked to consider, more conversations to be had, more responsibilities to shoulder–but I love it, y’all. The biggest challenge for me currently is working through the vast amount of material and training for child safety and abuse prevention materials. As I’ve noted before, this is becoming a big ministry focus for me lately, as I work to make sure all of our policies and procedures are consistent and up-to-date. I’ve been filling up a legal pad with ideas and questions, and what I really need is a day or so to sit and synthesize all the information I’m learning. (Anybody got a spare day laying around that they could loan me? Because I’m time-poor at the moment.) Unfortunately, this isn’t an issue that can or should be put on the back-burner. The time to address these issues is now, and I want to make sure I’m moving forward with the intentionality the issue deserves.

My In-Person Relationships: One of the ideas kicking around in my head as a result of reading Cal Newport’s latest book (review forthcoming) is that in-person communication and relationship-building is more powerful and more meaningful that digital, mediated communication. What this means is that being in the same physical space as the people you care about and want to connect with is worth the time and effort to do so. Sometimes that looks like driving across town through the evening rush to visit a family member in the hospital, or meeting a long-time friend for breakfast whom you haven’t seen in a few months. Maintaining these connections takes effort and grates against the easy-everywhere connection of likes and comments. But I’m finding that it’s worth it.

That said, there are a few big rocks that I’ve neglected lately, like exercise and writing and prayer, that I need to work back into my life. The fun distractions like social media and movies are sand and water in my jar. They work fine as fillers, but if I don’t get ALL these big rocks in place first, they’re just not going to fit.

I’m chewing on some ideas about how to do this better. I’ll share those when I come to conclusions worth reading.

So there’s the update. Hopefully, you’ll see me back here sooner than 2 weeks from now, which appears to be my average time between posts lately. I bet we can do better than that, though, right? Let’s try.

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Your Turn: What are the “big rocks” in your life right now–the most important things you actively make time to pursue? Feel free to share below. See you next time!

Midweek Odds and Ends (2/20/2019)

man old depressed headache
Photo by Gerd Altmann on Pexels.com

[Above: How I’m feeling this week.]

Another one of these posts, Dave? Yeah, sorry about that. Lemme tell ya a little story:

My wife and I celebrated Valentine’s Day on Saturday, with a tasty Japanese / Korean BBQ fusion place (highly recommended), so our plan for the big day Thursday was to watch a Ramsey Solutions “Money and Marriage” event live-streamed, while we enjoy a delicious home-cooked meal. (My wife is an amazing cook. I’m double-blessed, y’all.) All was going fine until we put the kiddo down and discover she has a 103.6 fever. Onward we went to the pediatric urgent-care doctor. This poor baby, who had just gotten shots not a week before, flipped right out when she saw nurses in scrubs with rubber gloves on. Like, full-body-tremor terror. My heart broke over it. After the kiddo had to get her throat swabbed to check for strep, I rocked her in a chair and sang over her, while my wife was calling her sister (a nurse) about next steps. (There’s something special about singing hymns over your child, as they settle down after a good cry.)

The good news: we came home and gave the baby some OTC meds to break the fever, and she was right as rain. (She’s been a little iffy over the last day or so, unfortunately.) Her parents, on the other hand… Between a possible virus we got from the kiddo, and the roller coaster weather we’re having in our part of the country, my poor allergies didn’t stand a chance. I missed church on Sunday and will miss our mid-week meeting with our Care Group. (Work progresses unabated, unfortunately, so I’m just keeping to myself at work!)

My current status: feeling like hot garbage, thanks very much. But God is good, so we press on, yes? That said, I would appreciate your prayers for a quick recovery. Thanks.

Now, onto the hail of bullets!

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  • I read this Bloomberg article the other day and immediately went on a Twitter rant (now deleted). The idea here is that allowing the government to hold more of your money for a year before giving it back to you at no interest is a “good” thing–at least that’s the spin. And that’s exactly what it is: spin. Like him or hate him, you have to acknowledge that the current administration lowered taxes (and NOT just for the rich, no matter what the hype-train tries to tell you), which means less is withheld from people’s checks because they are paying less in taxes. This isn’t a bad thing, no matter what some presidential hopeful says about it. But the Bloomberg piece contains a pretty insulting assumption: many Americans, particularly lower-income Americans, must rely on Daddy Government to hold their piggy bank because they can’t control themselves enough to save on their own. Talk about the bigotry of lowered expectations.
  • So let’s change gears and think on something fun: Baseball is coming! Full squads are practicing, and spring baseball is on its way! Go Cubs! (And if you don’t like baseball, I have five words for you.)
  • I’m just starting Jocko Willink and Leif Babin’s follow-up book to Extreme Ownership, called The Dichotomy of Leadership. Also on the nightstand is Nassim Taleb’s Antifragile. Waiting for me at the library (very excited about this one) is Cal Newport’s brand-new book Digital Minimalism. Hopefully all of these will spark some great thoughts (and posts!)
  • Still reading short stories, still making notes. One of these days I’m going to bust out with a bunch of #52Stories posts, just you wait.
  • Latest musical find: This one-hour symphonic medley of music from the smash-hit indie computer game Undertale. While the chip-tune version of the soundtrack got on my nerves just a bit, I *love* this.
  • If you’re a Christian, I would ask you to pray for churches in the Southern Baptist denomination. Lots going on this month. Lots to think through and do. Pray for wisdom, grace, fidelity to God’s Word, and the courage to act with integrity and honor. I’m trying to take in as much information as I can, so that I can serve our church by making sure we have policies and processes in place to protect our kids.

That’s all I have this week, gang. Thanks for reading and thanks for your patience. I know many of you are subscribed because you like certain types of content, and these kinds of TIWIARN posts aren’t that. Nevertheless, I appreciate that you read, and I hope you continue to do so. Have a great week.

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Your Turn: What’s your favorite restaurant to take your significant other (or closest friends) for a birthday or celebration? Post it in the comments below. (I may need ideas for my next date night!)

Happy New Year! Here’s What’s Next.

Hey, y’all!

I only have a few minutes left on my lunch break, but I wanted to check in and say hi!

Programming Note: On Friday, I’ll share something a little more personal, instead of my usual #FridayFive. Next week, I’ll talk a little bit more about my 2019 reading challenge (which my very wise wife suggested I cut down from a very ambitious #100Stories to a more realistic #50Stories–but hey, no reason to stop at 50 if I make it, right?). We may also chat a bit about internet outrage, in light of my 2019 goal to use social media for the good of others. We’ll jump back in with the weekly #FridayFive next weekend. I’ve also got some pretty fun news to share in the coming weeks, so stay tuned for that.

In other words, I’m excited about upcoming posts this month, and I hope you are, too!

But for now, I just wanted to kick off 2019 by saying thanks again for reading, and I look forward to sharing ideas and interacting with you this year!

What are you most looking forward to in 2019? Let me know in the comments!

“I’ve been thinkin’ ’bout you…”

“Do you think about me still? Do ya? Do ya?”

It’s been a while since I’ve just sat down and started typing a blog post. The last few months…I don’t know. When it comes to this blog, I think I started out trying too hard to do it “the right way”–not writing, but “creating content,” not communicating but “building an audience.” And then it started feeling fake, so I pretty much stopped. My words dried up. I want to keep writing, but I don’t know if I want to keep doing it this way, you know? (And it’s not like I’ve been posting that much content, generic or otherwise. We both know I haven’t posted much of anything lately. Every time I sit down to write, I start getting all knotted up over it. Not writer’s block as much as writer’s rebellion. I’m not sure what my problem is.)

While working on something for a friend, I started digging through my past blog posts–I mean the early, early days of my blogs. Have you ever read diary or journal entries you wrote more than 15 years ago? Cringe-y is the word.

And yet, while I’m embarrassed by my emotional immaturity on display in those best-forgotten days, I was struck as I read the posts by how much fun they were to read. (No, I’m not humble-bragging or post-facto-bragging or any such thing.) It was just so clear that I loved writing. I loved writing blog posts, stringing together turns of phrase and pop-culture references and song lyrics. I was much more open and unvarnished and emotive. I bled on the screen.

I think I miss doing that, a little.

Things are different now. Times have changed. I’m no longer a young man in my early 20’s with a keyboard and a broken heart. I’m now a middle-aged man in my late 30’s, with a wife and a daughter and responsibilities–not quite where I hoped I would be by now, but getting there. At this stage in the game, I don’t need to be giving full-vent to my spleen in this format. I’m an adult. I need to act like one. To be honest, I don’t really want to go back to treating blogging like a public diary–that’s what Xanga is for. (Any of you kids remember Xanga? No? Just me? Okay.)

(No, I don’t actually have a Xanga. Actually, I think I did at one point years and years back, but the log-in has been long forgotten.)

[What was I on about? Oh yeah.]

I haven’t posted anything “from the heart” since mid-July, it looks like. And who knows, maybe that’s for the best. Maybe that’s what you readers want: that I should stick to book reviews, interesting-link aggregation, a bit of this and that about writing and freelancing, and some Bible study blogging. Maybe that’s why you’re here, really. Maybe that can be enough.

What I’m getting at is this: the blog is just starting to feel a bit shallow to me. I don’t want that to be the case, but I’m not sure if or how I should change that.

Maybe nothing ultimately changes. Maybe I just need to start writing more and trust that it will start feeling natural again. I don’t know.

I’ve been wanting to say something to y’all for a few weeks, but I kept waiting for some great idea to kick me back into gear. The idea never came.

Here’s the update from my side of the screen: I’m busy with work, with church, with life stuff. I’m still putting off creative work that I am a bit too afraid to really commit to finishing, but even more afraid of giving up thinking about. There are a dozen things right now that need attention in my life and I’m constantly having to assess and reassess which priorities are most important.

But I miss talking to you, gang. So I’m checking in to let you know I’ve been thinking ’bout you (ooh na-na-na). And I hope you think about me still.

Happy October.

This is Where I Am Right Now (TIWIARN): 7/16/18

This isn’t going to be super-long, but I want to give an update/explanation of what will be happening with the blog throughout the rest of the summer and likely into the fall.

The thing I struggle with, vis-a-vis blogging, is that I’m torn between two desires: the desire to build a portfolio of work for the day when I really transition to “professional writer mode,” and I’m ready to up my profile and start promoting creative work using the blog (the “Jeff Goins” method); and the desire to use this blog as more of a journal, filtered but honest, less focused, more free-form and personal (the “Xanga” method).

At this point, with the current load of obligations and projects I have going on, I don’t think I’m up to providing consistent original content that isn’t of the public diary, TIWIARN variety. I’ve been thinking a lot about goal setting since reading Finish! by Jon Acuff. Part of that goal-completion process is deciding what things I am willing to intentionally “fail” at, in order to prioritize other things. To be honest, “consistent blogging” is one of those things. (“Aren’t you doing that already, Dave, har har har”–fair enough.)

So, despite what I posted a week and a half ago, I’m actually going to pull back a little more from blogging, rather than worry about producing more. I’m going to post book reviews/reflections as I finish them, either individually or in batches. I’ll post some “Friday Fives” when I have the chance. I’ll throw in some of these update-type, TIWIARN posts. But that’s gonna be the vibe of the blog for a while.

Obviously, this will affect if or how often I post elsewhere, like The 4thDave Papers. (Sorry, Tuck.) It’s something I will probably pick up again in the future, but I can’t make any guarantees. I really shouldn’t have said anything about it until I had a few posts “in the can,” as they say. But who knows? Maybe I’ll surprise you sometime.

[Good grief, does this post sound as tired as I think it does?]

Thing is, I’m not tired. I’m doing pretty well, all told. A bit frustrated with a stubborn scale, moving in the wrong direction despite my faithful efforts. I’m a bit anxious for a friend of mine and a project he’s battling to keep going. I’m feeling really busy and at the same time like I’m in a bit of a rut. I want to do a dozen things and none of them at the same time.

So, for the time being, I really just need to put my head down, write a few book reviews, work on the other stuff in my life, and not worry about it. This blog is not my life, and it’s not my job. It’s a hobby that I enjoy from time to time, but one that I can and should set aside when other things need more attention.

You folks who have started following me recently–thank you for that. I hope you’ll be willing to keep my on your feeds for a while until I can get this other stuff figured out and start churning out words worth reading.

That’s all I got today, folks. See you around.