Happy Tuesday, friends. Hope your week has started off well. And if you’ve been participating in the #KudosChallenge, please feel free to let me know how it’s going. I have to admit, I was a bit of a hermit this weekend, so I haven’t been doing it regularly. But I will! I promise!
Sunday was December 7th. Known around the country by many as “the day that will live in infamy” (and rightly so–it makes me sad that each year fewer remember the importance of Pearl Harbor Day), the day also has an added significance in the Mitchell household.
December 7th marked our 6-monthiversary. (“Anniversaries” mark the passing of each annum–year. So “monthiversary” works for me, since I don’t know the Latin word for “month.”) We were married in June, six months ago. It’s amazing to me that we’re here already. In a strange way, it feels longer and shorter than that, at the same time.
6 months. Still in our honeymoon period, everyone says. And I think this is pretty true. However, the reality of being married to a sinner is slowly dawning on both of us. I’m realizing that my selfishness and my laziness are creeping in, and the temptation to be self-centered or easily irritated has started to rise. She is seeing where I’m failing to meet her expectations, or I’m not being thoughtful, and she’s tempted to be upset or hurt.
We don’t fight, as a couple. We just don’t. We talk things out, and then we cry, and then we pray, and then we work through it. And even though people have told us for months (before and after marriage) that conflict is going to come, we didn’t see it. Maybe I didn’t believe it. Maybe I thought we were special.
But, six months in, I can see that conflict is inevitable because we are both redeemed sinners, and the Holy Spirit isn’t done sanctifying us yet. I’m going to fail her. She’s going to frustrate me. It’s going to happen. And I think part of me is scared by that thought. Scared that we’ll let each other down. Scared of what will happen next. I don’t have a whole lot of relational experience in which conflicts are resolved well.
Last night, after some honest discussion and prayer, we looked into each other’s eyes and said, “We’re going to fail each other and sin against each other and hurt each other many times over the years. But neither of us are going anywhere. Ever.”
You can call it naivete, you can call it foolish optimism. I call it faith. My bride and I have faith in Jesus, that He will give us the strength and the grace and the patience to love each other through and in spite of our sins, every single day, until we are separated by death.
This morning, over coffee, we looked into each other’s eyes, and I said, “I can’t believe you’re mine. I can’t imagine life without you.” In just 6 months, we have learned to rely on each other, and lean into each other–not in a clutching, grasping, desperate way, but in faith and grace, trusting God that He will use each of use to bless and refine the other.
Happy six months, beauty. Here’s to 600 more.
3 thoughts on “Six months.”
Yet another reason your blog is one of my favorites to read.
Sheena and I agreed before we married that divorce was not an option, and though I’d love to say that the idea has never crossed our minds, I can say that we’ve never let it be more than a fleeting idea – because, running away and starting over seems easy. But by God’s grace, we have remained true to our promise “till death” and neither of us regret marrying the other.
So bro, it’s not naivete to say that you’ll never divorce – it’s keeping your promise because you said you would, and you want to. I learned about a year ago that when I told my wife that I intended on keeping my promise to her, that I’d be with her till death, that what she heard was that I stayed because I was obligated to. I meant that I’d keep my promise because I wanted to – and therefore I had to (for me, duty and love are two sides of the same coin). And so now I tell her frequently “I want to keep you” when I tell her that I made a promise I intend to keep because by that she understands that my promise is both a duty and a joy to keep. I want to keep it because I have to, and I have to because I want to.
You are both right on! Thirty-five plus years ago, we made the same agreement about the “d” word. We have been through some tough times, but the Lord has kept us faithful to each other and to Him! We are, to quote the song, “Still crazy (in love with each other) after all these years!” May God continue to bless you and keep you!
I love it! Thanks for sharing, Valerie!