A Freshman in the School of Marriage

I don’t want to speculate for all husbands (feel free to confirm or deny), so I’ll just say that for me, this first year of marriage has been an education–a non-stop parade of personal reformation. It seems that I’m learning something new about living with my wife every day, and I keep having to tell myself, “Remember this. Don’t miss this next time. You should probably write this down.” (I don’t, but I need to start. Add this to the list, Dave.)

And it’s not that my wife is demanding or high-maintenance–very much the opposite. She’s incredibly gentle, easygoing, gracious. She doesn’t give full-vent to her frustrations with me. I can see God at work in her life and heart in a hundred ways every day. It’s gorgeous to behold.

But she, being a loving wife, makes sure to (again, gently) point out the rougher areas of my daily rituals and unconscious habits. (For example, hampers are better for dirty clothing storage than floors or furniture. Crazy.) She encourages me to refine these vestigal behaviors of my bachelorhood. And then it’s up to me to put these lessons into practice.

So this weekend, as I sat down with a glass of icewater to finish watching the Texans game (sidenote: gotta give mad props to Ryan Fitzpatricks mondo lumberjack beard–cheers, Fitz!), my wife says from across the room, “Sweetheart, did you get me water?”  For a moment, I panicked. But no–she had asked me to stir the soup, which I had done in short order (this being the extent of my trustworthiness when she’s at work in the kitchen). I answered in the negative. “You asked me to stir the soup, love.” “Ah. Okay. I thought i asked you for water, too.”  Crisis averted, I turned my attention back to the sweet, sweet Houston comeback win.

[Seasoned husbands, you should be chuckling at this point.]

Before bedtime, I got up and got myself another glass of icewater. Laid down on top of the bed on my stomach to check email and social media. And again, my lovely spouse asks, “Babe, did you get me some water?”  Puzzled, I said, “Uh, nope. You didn’t ask, sweetheart.”

H. walks over and puts her face right down next to mine. “Dave, it would really speak to my heart if you think of me when you do things like that. That would bless me.”

Aaaaaand then the light went on. “Really?  Oh. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

She smiles. “That’s okay. Thanks for understanding.”

She walks into the next room. Pause.  I ask, “Would you like some icewater?”

She laughs. Her laugh is music. I love it.  “Yes, that’d be wonderful.”

“I’m on it!”

Another lesson in my education: completed.

In I Peter 3:7, Peter writes, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way…” Maybe part of this idea is, when we have a physical need (like hunger or thirst), we should remember that our spouses are human beings who need the same things. If I’m hungry or thirsty or tired, maybe she is too. Maybe I should ask. Something to consider.

Class dismissed, Dave.

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Your Turn: Have you learned something recently in your relationship/marriage that would benefit a newbie like me? Help me out–comment below!