A Little Anti-Social.

Well, I’m back. I won’t bore you with the usual mea culpa‘s and excuses. I’ll just say the last couple weeks have been interesting. Not terrible, not traumatic. Just a little more hectic than usual.  But hey–life, right? 

And now I’m back to blog, and the only thing I can think of to right about at the moment is more marriage stuff. I’M SORRY, OKAY? IT’S KIND OF ON MY MIND LATELY. 32 DAYS. 😉  But it’s not ENTIRELY about marriage, so don’t zone out.  And I’ll try to post about something pop-culturey or controversial soon, to break up the monotony.


So H. and I have been talking lately about social media. She sent me this video, which I recommend you watch, because it definitely makes you think. (Of course, most YT videos that make you think don’t result in follow-up actions, but at least you think for a second, yes?)

The question of “social media replacing personal interaction” is one that a lot of people have strong opinions on, but no one does anything about.  It’s one of those classic “we’ve got to DO SOMETHING” causes. It’s the type of thing we share on Facebook, but yet it never goes beyond the share or like or even comment, if we feel really strongly.

(By the way, anyone know what’s going on with Kony? No? Okay, nevermind.)

But that’s not the point of this story. That’s just a freebie for people who are bored with marriage talk.


As I said, H. and I were discussing social media, particularly post-wedding. There’s a good chance we’re both gonna disappear from the FB and Twitter circles for a while afterward. (Haven’t decided what will happen here, but as little as I’m blogging lately, would anyone notice? I might as well just turn over the keys to Web and be done with it.)

Another one of the ideas we are kicking around is replacing our individual Facebook accounts with a joint account.

*Cue the groans from the single folks* 

I know some of you may be rolling your eyes, convinced we’ve just become another one of those couples so into each other that their identities and FB accounts are intertwined. Allow me to pre-emptively address some of the criticisms of this idea.

  • First, give me some credit here. I’ve worked very hard to make sure the focus of my life is not solely my upcoming wedding. (32 days, y’all.)  But seriously. There’s more to our lives than this marriage, but it IS a big deal, so cut us a little slack.
  • Second, if you’re concerned that a joint FB account is proof of lost identity, you put WAY too much stock in what a FB account means.  Facebook is the highlight reel. Facebook is not real life. Facebook is a snapshot. (I think we all need to repeat this to ourselves daily.) Besides, we’ve already combined our Netflix accounts. You wanna talk about COMMITMENT…?
  • Third, it was my idea, not hers. I’ve seen this happen, where one distrustful partner forces the other to share the FB account. That’s not the case. I mentioned, a few months back, that I could see the benefit of having a combined FB account, in terms of the “living above reproach” idea. I don’t need to keep secrets from my wife. To her, I want to be as open and transparent as I can be to any living person. So what’s the big deal?

All that said, I wanted to throw this out to you, the mostly-silent 4DB community: Joining FB accounts when you get married–good idea or bad idea, and why?


2 thoughts on “A Little Anti-Social.

  1. I roll my eyes at the joint Facebook account, and I’m married! My main criticism, one you didn’t pre-emptively address, is as a reader of merged/couple accounts. It’s awkward to be friends with a couple-as-one-person on Facebook, because I rarely know who’s posting/commenting/liking/etc. It gets more confusing and awkward when I only really know one half of the couple. I suppose there are ways to get around this (writing in the third person, providing a caveat as to who’s typing, etc.), but they’re awkward to read. That’s my two cents. And for more than two cents…

    My husband and I have separate Facebook accounts – we never really considered merging. He leaves himself logged in on his computer and I leave myself logged in on my laptop – probably more out of habit than out of being transparent! We do talk to each other about Facebook interactions – a (male) friend of his recently messaged me for book recommendations, and I told my husband we were messaging. His ex-wife commented on a post of his last week, and we definitely discussed that. For us, a better solution than merging Facebook accounts has been talking about our online communication in person – just as we’d do with anything else.

    I hear you on the “above reproach” idea, but that has more to do with the heart and the relationship and the communication and less to do with the Facebook. As long as your communication with each other is open and transparent – Facebook and blogging and email and merged Netflixes and merged bookshelves (there’s where our big life merge happened!) – all the rest are places you live out that commitment and communication. In the best way that works for you. 🙂

    Side note: I used to read your Teacher Dave blog, and you used to comment on an old blog of mine, before I went to South Africa and then came back and got too lazy to blog. I’m not really sure how I stumbled on you again – but hi! Congrats on the upcoming nuptials!

  2. Barbara! I remember you! Thanks for checking in, and thanks for your feedback! Yay for returning readers!

    I hear you on the designation of who’s speaking–there would need to be a clear system. I’ve seen some couples use an initial, pre- [ D: ] or post-comment. [ –d.] I also totally agree about the open communication question. No amount of safeguards will really keep things above board if the couple is not actively discussing interactions with others.

    As I reflect on it, I think there are other issues at work here–in particular, navigating what my relationship with social media should be. How many times do I consider chucking the whole thing (FB, Twitter, blogging) because I feel like it’s becoming a bit too large in my life? So I don’t know. There’s something about resetting the dials with a new account that appeals. Limiting the “friends” list to actual friends–what a crazy concept.

    At any rate, it’s something I’m still working through, and I REALLY appreciate your feedback (and that it was a reasonable “anti” position).

    Finally, thank you for your congratulations. God has been good to me.

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